Madame Web: A Big Fuck You to Martin Scorcese
I’m assuming if you’re here reading this article, it’s probably because you’re wondering about why the fuck someone chose to write an article about that shitty movie that got demolished over every social media platform. I suppose I don’t have any other reason than just saying it’s fun.
Unlike most people who saw this film, I may or may not have seen it the way Sony intended, on a six inch screen through a sketchy website that provided the movie with camera quality worse than the iPhone I was watching the movie on. But I didn’t do that. I definitely went out to theaters and supported the wonderful cast and crew that invested their time and effort into this crap on a screen.
I must say, though, for all the hatred and bad reviews spouted out against this film, it was only with five or so minutes left that I told myself , “yeah I’m gonna stop watching this” and definitely left the theater rather than swiping out of safari. The truth of it was that the movie sucked, but it was enjoyable. It was one of those movies that is a joy to watch because of how stupid some of the logic in it is. If you want to know every single moment where this was the case, I suggest going on a doom scroll through TikTok, but, otherwise, here were my favorites:
Madame Webb’s super power wasn’t seeing the future, it was being able to perfectly crash whatever vehicle she was driving into the villain and withstand absolutely no physical damage. She literally drives into a diner full speed and gets away in the same car.
What was Mary Parker’s baby’s name?!?!?!?! They kept teasing it, but we never got to find out! Do we think it could’ve been someone important?
Constant reference of things all being connected. -- You mean, like some sort of web????
One of the absolute best written villains of all time. From the ADR that didn’t match nor was even good voice acting to his only backstory being him randomly saying “I came from nothing” twice, it was beautiful how much intensity he was able to add to the story. I think the writers were spot on in seeing that the only thing that could possibly take him down was a pepsi sign.
Nobody is ever as scared as they should be.
“When you take on the responsibility, great power will come” stood out as the unanimous winner for corniest dialogue in the film.
So, you might read this and see it as just another person hating on Madame Web. In some ways, I am. But what makes this different is really, I’m not shitting on it. I’m telling you to go see Madame Web for yourself because Sony sees the game differently than other production companies. Sony isn’t about the same old emotionally compelling and tense garbage that Martin Scorcese wants to rot your brain into loving. Sony is about sparking new stories that defy reality and yes, literally defy the reality of the story it’s telling. Sony is the outlet to escaping the matrix. One day, when the Sony shareholders are showering in wads of green while we venture to dark alleyways to meet our good movie plug, we will look back at this movie and we will see Sony did something its main character couldn’t: see the future.